Born in Light Read online

  “If you finish in here, I’ll finish up outside.”

  Lilith covered the sledges. She warmed her hands on the bowl of burning seal oil. Her fingers started to tingle.

  Imiq entered, followed by Almor. Her father sat down next to her and grabbed hold of her hands. He carefully rubbed them warm. Lilith wanted to pull her hands back, but her father wouldn’t let her.

  “Let me take care of you today,” he said softly.

  Then he opened his hands. Lilith didn’t move. Almor started rubbing again.

  “I can do it myself.” Lilith said, as Almor helped her out of her top layers of clothing.

  “I know,” Almor answered. He grabbed a piece of hide and draped it around her.

  “I thought I’d lost you,” Lilith whispered. She moved backwards and wrapped her arms around her legs.

  “Did you really think I’d leave you now that I’ve finally found you?”

  Lilith looked at him. “Why didn’t you wait for me?”

  “I’ve covered the same distance on this snowy plain as you have,” said Almor. “Only by taking these kinds of risks, was I able to catch up with you. I knew what I was doing.”

  Lilith bowed her head. “But you aren’t alone any more.”

  Almor smiled. “That’s true. And because of the storm, we now have all the time in the world to talk.”

  The wind picked up, making the tent shake. Snow was piling up rapidly. Ill at ease, Lilith watched the canvas sag.

  “Can you tell me about your life after you fled? Were you finally happy then?” Almor asked.

  “Happy?”

  “That’s what I’ve always hoped for you. Tell me, Lilith. Where did you go? What happened?” Almor looked at her expectantly.

  “Yes, I had a few moments of happiness. With Chrys.” She twisted a strand of hair around her fingers and smiled. Chrys had adored her. “And with the Inuuk. But that happiness never lasted long.”

  “Who’s Chrys?”

  Lilith hid her face in her hands. Why did she have to see his scorched body whenever she thought about Chrys? Why couldn’t she see him feeding her cake at the inn?

  “What happened to him?” Almor’s voice trembled.

  “The same thing that happened to Ludmilla. Only this time it was a different sorcerer who made me do it.” Her voice broke. She hated Ferhdessar for what he had done. She had trusted him with her body, because she couldn’t fight Kasimirh, and Ferhdessar had abused that trust. He had made her fight in Havv’n, resulting in the death of Chrys and many others.

  Almor put his hand on her back. “From the moment that your mother and I had tracked you down, I hoped you would be able to escape. When I heard that you weren’t attacking any more, I was convinced that you had finally succeeded. That feeling was strengthened when Seraph and his friends turned up. For the first time in many years, I was happy. My daughter had found a way out and had been given a new chance.”

  “How could you believe that? After everything.”

  Almor stroked her hair. “Wasn’t that what you were hoping for when you escaped?”

  Lilith nodded slowly. “You’re right. But it all turned out differently.”

  “Tell me.”

  “It’s not a happy story.”

  “I want to know. Tell me everything.”

  Lilith sat up straight and told Almor about her journey with the five Purified men in pursuit. She stared at her hands in her lap when she confessed that she had robbed a family. “I had only just arrived in Merzia when I made my first victim. I almost killed him.”

  “Sometimes that’s necessary in order to survive,” her father mumbled.

  She looked at him in surprise. Her gaze moved to his hands; strong fists full of scars. Lilith wondered how often he had fought to survive.

  “They caught me and brought me to Nadesh. The king condemned me to a flogging.”

  “What!”

  “It was a just ruling for what I had done. I deserved to be punished.”

  Almor huffed. “Who made you believe that? Who says that it’s right to maltreat you as a form of punishment? You were hungry and cold. Didn’t they understand that?” He shook his head.

  Lilith had also been hungry when she attacked Tewarsum, but she didn’t dare say that out loud. She had no right to make up excuses for what she had done.

  “How did you escape?” Almor asked.

  “I didn’t escape. I saved King Yvar’s life.” She told him in great detail about the nocturnal ceremony where the servi had shown up and the subsequent celebration where she had met Chrys. “I was a hero for a short while, but soon things went wrong again.”

  They were both silent. Lilith reflected on everything that had happened. “You’ve been with the Inuuk,” she finally said.

  Almor sighed. “That’s right.”

  “You met Ohinde. I’m so grateful to her for watching over me.” Lilith smiled at the memory of her time in the village. Life had taken an unexpectedly pleasant turn there. “Was she doing all right when you met her?” she asked Almor. “Had the men already left for the hunt?”

  Her father looked away. “When I arrived, the village was in deep mourning. Icamm was Seraph’s first victim when he and Nander escaped. He didn’t survive.”

  Lilith couldn’t breathe. Almor put his hand on her knee.

  “What happened?” she asked quietly.

  Almor shook his head. “I’m not going to torment you with the details.”

  Lilith felt nauseous. The Inuuk had paid a steep price for helping her. “Ohinde and her baby…” Lilith whispered.

  “Both fine, as much as you can say that after such a drama. Ohinde immediately recognized me and took care of me. She urged me to find and protect you.”

  Lilith squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn’t believe that Ohinde was worried about her. Not after the loss her family had suffered.

  “At least I avenged them,” Almor muttered with satisfaction. “The night that I saved you from Seraph’s snow den, I killed Nander. That was the worst thing that could ever happen to Seraph.”

  “Did you let Seraph live?” Lilith asked.

  Almor nodded.

  “Then he only paid a small price in light of everything else that he has done,” Lilith hissed. She resolved that if she ever ran into Seraph again, he would join Nander.

  Shivering, Lilith crawled beneath the hides. She knew that the snowstorm could last for days. If this conversation was any indication for what was yet to come, she’d rather not wake up for a long time.

  Lilith was kneeling on an animal hide with her head touching the ground as she caressed the praying stone that she had found on the riverbank. The water had eroded the stone so that it felt soft to the touch. The stone was warm, because she was holding it so tightly.

  On the face of it, it seemed an ordinary stone. Nevertheless, it had drawn Lilith’s attention when she had walked along the water. Only after she had picked it up to study it, did she notice the blue veins running through the brown surface. They sparkled in the sunlight, making it appear as if there was water trapped inside the stone. Lilith had known instantly that she could use the stone during her prayers, and she had resumed honouring Jakob.

  When she looked up, Almor was shaking his head. “I don’t understand how you can still believe in Jakob, after everything that’s happened.”

  Lilith kissed the stone and put it in her pocket. The past few days, Almor’s body language had made it clear that he didn’t approve of her praying, but this was the first time he’d actually said something about it.

  “I do indeed still believe in Him, but I no longer believe in the man who calls himself His prophet and had so much power over me.”

  Almor huffed. “You pray because you’re used to it. If you’d actually stop to think about it, you’d immediately renounce Him.”

  Lilith shook her head. “Lately, I’ve had a lot of time to think about everything. I’m convinced that Jakob guarded me from a worse fate during my flight and protecte
d me.” She looked at her father. “Maybe He even made it possible for you to find me.”

  “If He’s really so concerned about your well-being, He would have intervened sooner, don’t you think? He should have stopped Kasimirh. Or made sure that Seraph had had an accident before he came knocking at my door.” Almor’s voice was getting increasingly loud. “He could have made me find you sooner, so that the attack on Tewarsum would never have happened! Someone with that kind of power who cares for you, would never have let things come this far!”

  Lilith clenched her fists. “No, I refuse to believe that Jakob picked me to do Kasimirh’s dirty work.” She moved backwards to stop their knees from touching.

  “That’s not what I said. I’m trying to tell you that your God doesn’t exist.” Almor pushed against the side of the tent which was bulging inwards because of the thick layer of snow pressing against it. Then he looked at her. “Ask Jakob to stop the snowstorm. Then you’ll see that I’m right, because it won’t stop. Your God is a figment of Kasimirh’s imagination.”

  Lilith was longing for better weather. Her tent was too small for two people. Her father’s arrival had given her much to think about, but there was nowhere to be alone. They were constantly in each other’s way, and Almor asked difficult questions. Worst of all, her father smelled really bad. She kept to the cleansing rituals a few times a day, but apparently her father didn’t only think that the praying was nonsense. Maybe he’s scared that he’ll be converted if he washes himself, Lilith thought.

  “Why would Kasimirh have made up something like this?” Lilith asked softly. Imiq came to lie against her. Lilith stroked the dog’s shoulder.

  “To gain power,” Almor suggested.

  Lilith shook her head. “Lord Jakob exists,” she said without a trace of doubt, “but I’m convinced that He never told Kasimirh to use me.” She even thought that it wasn’t Jakob’s will that Kasimirh spread God’s word the way he did. Maybe He had made a mistake by teaching Kasimirh. Lilith felt her cheeks turn red. Forgive me, Lord.

  Almor touched her knee. “I’m glad to hear you say that. It would grieve me if even the tiniest part of you believed that Kasimirh was justified in the way he treated you.”

  Lilith looked at him. Almor returned her gaze with a smile. “I’ll respect your faith in Jakob,” he said.

  Lilith nodded gratefully. “It surprises me that you know so much about Jakob.”

  “We’d been on your trail for a long time, but always arrived too late. I used to visit the villages that you had attacked, but didn’t destroy, in order to get more information. It soon became clear to me that the people converted themselves because they were promised that Jakob would protect them from you, but I knew from the beginning that you were being used to convince the people to convert in the first place.”

  “You were the only one who understood that,” Lilith said. “They all thought that Kasimirh was their saviour. No one saw that he commanded me to scare them.”

  “But I knew that you had been abducted when you were little.”

  Lilith nodded.

  “I did, however, overlook the most important thing. Only when you turned up in Tewarsum, did I realize that Seraph was involved as well. If I had discovered that sooner, things would have been different.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I spoke to Nander, just before you were sent to Tewarsum, where we had settled down. We were fed up with being too late all the time, so we had decided to wait for you in that village. It was to be expected that you would turn up one day.”

  “Unfortunately, you were right.”

  Almor nodded. “Seraph came first. At least, that’s what I suspect. I never saw him in Tewarsum, but he and Nander were always inseparable.” His voice oozed with self-reproach. “I could have known that Seraph was near when Nander approached me. However, I was completely clueless, so I told him about you. He listened patiently and even promised to look out for you.” Almor huffed. “A few days later, you turned up. I immediately understood what had happened.”

  “Seraph told Kasimirh that you were on to me,” Lilith whispered.

  “Which was a huge threat, so Kasimirh commanded you to kill us,” her father added.

  Lilith looked at him and saw the tears in his eyes. Lilith’s head was pounding.

  Almor reached out to her, but she shook her head, so he pulled back. She lay down, back turned towards him. She drew an animal hide over her head, but it wasn’t enough to close herself off completely. She could hear Imiq breathing. Almor was blowing his nose. His smell intermingled with the dog’s smell. The pole that was keeping the tent up creaked under the weight it was carrying. Perhaps it wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it collapsed. Then they’d be buried here, in a place where no one would ever find them. The world could forget about her, and Lilith would finally be at peace.

  3

  The snowstorm lasted four days. Lilith and Almor had a lot to talk about. They grew closer, but it was painfully clear that they couldn’t just make up for all the lost time. So Lilith was happy when they could finally continue their journey.

  The tent was empty, and Lilith watched Almor as he loaded everything onto the sledges. The sky above them was cloudless. It was too warm for the dogs to run at full speed, but it didn’t matter any more how long it took to find the dragon. She was no longer alone.

  As Almor harnessed the dogs, Lilith hummed to herself while she walked around the tent to pull the stakes out of the ice. She had to dig through the snow first. Pretty soon, she was getting warm, so she slowed down a bit. It was best not to sweat. The sweat could freeze in the cold air, increasing the risk of hypothermia.

  Suddenly the dogs started barking and her father screamed. Lilith looked up. Almor lay face down in the snow. Seraph was sitting on top of him, stabbing him with his dagger. After a short struggle, Almor managed to turn around and wrench the weapon out of Seraph’s hand. Lilith ran to her father to help him.

  “You will pay for Nander!” Beside himself with rage, Seraph sunk his teeth into Almor’s wrist. Almor growled and unsuccessfully tried to throw Seraph off. The dogs were barking hysterically and pulled at their leashes.

  Lilith picked up Seraph’s dagger and threw herself into the fight. She dragged the Purified man with her. Her father quickly crawled backwards. His clothes were stained with the blood running from his nose. His left eye was beaten shut. Lilith registered it all in the split second before Seraph worked her to the ground.

  She rolled away, but sunk into the deep snow. Before she could crawl out of the hole, Seraph jumped down. Lilith warded him off with the dagger. Surprised, Seraph looked at her as the dagger entered his body and he lost his balance. They both fell against the wall of snow and it caved in on them.

  Lilith flailed about, trying to excavate herself. She almost succeeded, but Seraph dragged her back down. She lashed out and stabbed him in the knee.

  Almor loomed up over her and pulled her out of the hole. Exhausted, she lay face down and didn’t move. Her father brushed her hair out of her face. “Are you hurt?”

  Lilith shook her head. “I thought I was buried alive,” she gasped, shuddering at the thought.

  Suddenly, she was dragged backwards. Seraph had crawled out of the hole by himself. Lilith turned onto her back and kicked at him. She was still holding the dagger and thrust it into his stomach.

  Seraph screamed.

  “This one’s for Icamm,” she growled as she jumped on top of him and stabbed him again. Seraph’s eyes widened. He groped at her with one hand.

  “Finish it, Lilith,” she heard Almor say. He was standing behind her. “Think about all the Inuuk he has killed.

  Lilith stabbed again. “This one’s for Niul,” she hissed. And then she smiled and said: “And this is for all the other villagers you couldn’t leave alone.”

  Seraph’s resistance was getting weaker. In between his meaningless screams she heard her name. Lilith looked him in the eye, dagger raised. His life was in
her hands. All she had to do was lower the weapon.

  “Do it,” Almor said. “He deserves it.”

  The hatred in her father’s voice hit her like a massive blow in the back. Lilith clenched her fingers around the hilt of the dagger. She looked at Seraph and flexed the muscles in her arm. The Purified man tried to push her away. Her father kept egging her on.

  Lilith closed her eyes. She felt the cold wind on her cheeks, as if she was flying across Naftalia by night. She was on her way to a village that needed to be destroyed. She heard Kasimirh’s voice in her head.

  “Kill him, Lilith,” her father said.

  Lilith threw the dagger away and jumped up. She launched herself at Almor. He grabbed her wrist and kept her at arm’s length. When she tried to kick him, he forced her to her knees.

  “Calm down, Lilith,” Almor kept repeating. He let go of her, but before Lilith could jump back up, he held her again. “Calm down.”

  Panting, Lilith looked at him. The sun was behind him, so she could only see his silhouette towering over her. “He’s only going to hurt you again,” he said.

  Lilith shivered. “I hate you!” she screamed.

  He dragged her towards the sledge and put her down on it. “Stay here.” Almor looked at her intently before he turned around and walked back to Seraph. He picked up the dagger along the way. Bending caused him difficulty and although he was right-handed, he held the weapon in his left hand.

  Lilith didn’t want to see what her father was about to do, so she stared at her hands. They were cold and numb, and covered in blood. The fur on her clothes was sticking together.

  Seraph screamed. Lilith looked up. Her father had placed his foot on Seraph’s stomach and was leaning over him. “You shouldn’t have come after us,” Almor said.

  Lilith closed her eyes and listened. There was silence. Convinced that her father had killed Seraph, she slowly looked up.

  Almor was looking at her. Seraph was trying to escape, but he didn’t have enough strength. “This is for the best,” said Almor, as though he was asking her permission.